so i've been thinkin...

Itz been a few days but i been kinda busy lately. Im at work with nuthin 2 do once again so im just sittin here surfin da web n whut not.
But today, i was thinkin, you know, just about everything. And i remember when my friend told me that if i want something, i get it. Immediately i took defense and pounced on her because i knew that was something i was never raised around; being spoiled. I wasnt really mad at her, i just wanted to explain how thingz work in my house. At home, there are seven ppl, and out of that seven, only 2 wrk...which iz me, and my stepdad. My stepdad has alot of obligations so he doesnt have too much 2 share. But if any of us need somrthing, then he will go out of his way to provide it for us. Now me, i have two jobs and basically im an independent woman bcuz anything that i have, i bought it. anything that i want, i gotta git it. if there is someplace i want or need to be, i have to find a way to get there and back. anything i need, i might just have to suffer until my funds come thru. Itz hard already, but im not that upset about it bcuz itz a learning experience. So when i explained that to my friend she imediatly said, "thats not what i meant breezy, i was saying that when u have a vision, or say u really want somethin, you eventually get it bcuz u work for it and you stay focused on what it iz ur after." I was in total shock. I felt so bad bcuz i didnt let her explain herself. But that statement is one i will never 4git. I really appreciate her 4 telling me that. I guess thatz when i look around and see all my friends with all this fabulous stuff, i wonder how they got it...they either steal, sell drugs, or their parents provide the mula. Im like damn, how come i dont got it like dat? But you know what, some ppl grow up being that way and thats one thing i will not carry with me to adult hood. I kinda feel like i missed out on my childhood "just a bit" bcuz i feel like i grew up a little fast. but now that that ship has sailed, itz time for me to transfer to a yacht. I feel kinda prepared for the world but im still a little scared. I always pictured myself as independent, single, and livin life to the fullest, but isnt that everyones dream? Many ppl have the same dreams but only 1 out of 100 make it there. So im thinkin, if its really that hard to get where u wanna b, then is it even realistic for me to even get there? There are some smart ppl on the streets but apparently they didnt make it anywhere..sometimes itz not their fault, but i often think, "what if thats me?". itz possible. and when i think like that, i often become discouraged. Maybe im setting my dreams too high? if many dont make it, then how am i any different from them? what makes us equal? i dont wanna b a failure, and when i think about failing, i see a vision in my head where im sittin in my condo, fully stocked wit some bomb ass food, a fully loaded closet and a personal stylist by my side. I dont kno y i keep seeing that vision, but i almost think itz impossible to get there. Lately, ive been reaching god more often. Not because im in trouble, but because ive been thankin him for makin me who i am and lettin me make it this far, with my mind set. Im greatful for him making me independent. I thank him for giving me everything that i have. Im just sooo much more appreciative now. So right now, i kinda gotta plan, but idk if itz full proof. the one thing i need to succeed, is motivation, my pride, good ppl around me, and GOD. thats All i need. When i go off to college, i hope i do as well as i plan to...maybe even better. And im trying to promise myself to stay focus and make sure i get the work done. My new favorite modo is: WORK HARD, PLAY HARD...thatz whut i live by now. When u work yourself 2 death, reward yourself to death, but dont get destracted! I dont need ANY distrcations in college. I need ppl around me thatz on the same page. I need ppl to inspire me, i need ppl that'll help me stay on track. And i need myself to believe. I dont necessarily have a negative attitude, i just worry alot. I need to get out that habit and just make it happen. No more worrying child, just make it happen.